Choices or Denial

Most of the people that are around me are the most amazing people. I have so much respect for them that in general I feel bad. But only when I believe that the only thing I have to offer is complete love and appreciation for them.
Isn’t that lovely though if that’s all you could offer? But what sort of person would I be if thought I could control what it is people get from me? But that is something I haven’t consciously thought of until now, until it hurt.
Why was it that some people what I was giving them was ok but for some it wasn’t? Or should I say when people didn’t want what I thought it was I had to offer. Why are we so disheartened by this? I think it is because if that is all we have to offer and they don’t like that or want that then it is a direct reflection on us. But is it? Or is it a direct reflection on them? And if it is a direct reflection on them, then why does it hurt so much?
Let’s get something straight first though. Hurt is ego. Yep, you heard me I said it. Ego. (As per MR
So when I am portraying this ‘thing’ that I think I can offer to someone and they do not like is it possible because I have actually gone out of the moment with them? Is it possible that this thing you actually offer is an ‘offer’ on the table of relationships? I will give you this if you give me something in return? If we are doing this, how many people are doing this to us and are we aware of the conditions that are unknowingly put on us?
If we are putting conditions on a friendship or our relationships and we get hurt then we are living our relationships or lives I should say out of ego and we need to get back to the truth, step back into the now. If you are aware of yourself in each moment that is the first step to moving out of ego and into choice. Choice to let go of ego and be yourself. Otherwise you are bound to get hurt but you are really only hurting yourself that which is suffering. Suffering over something that doesn’t actually exist, unless of course you want it too, something you created for yourself. Which, my guess would turn into drama. And hurt. Always the hurt and then the running away from the hurt. Now that’s the circle of life I have been living.
I have been heard to say that I don’t really ‘like’ or I guess you could say ‘align’ with many people and if you are aware of my ‘personality’ then quite possibly you will believe this but why is this? I get frustrated easily, I feel I am not heard very often and in most social occasions I’ll be drinking. But just because I don’t necessarily align or want to spend time with people doesn’t mean I don’t like people. I actually love people too much. (If that is possible?) There have been times in my life by meeting people I find ones that I love so deeply and with all my heart that it makes me want to meet more people and it is through these connections, these times and with these people that make life amazing for me.
But I can have this with each and every person I meet. As long as I become aware of ego and let it go. It is these people that make me want to be a better person and make me want to live a life that is so much more and so I can give so much more – if that’s what I want to do in that moment, that is what I want to do in each and every moment. They inspire me to keep going instead of lying still. Contrary to Snow Patrol’s “would you just lay here and make me forget the world.” With you in it, I don’t want to forget the world at all.
So here’s the thing, if we are not spending time with the people we want to spend time with is it because we are in denial or are we making choices to keep us there in ego? If we aren’t spending time with the people we want to spend time with is it because of them or is it because we are in ego? If there are people that don’t want to spend time with us and you are upset by it is that because you are in ego? Even if you tried your hardest, even if you changed your life and threw everything away to give it a shot and you ended up with nothing – it’s not because you didn’t try – but instead of trying to please other people why not try to be yourself. When it’s meant to be it is meant to be, I believe it just works.
There is no fighting or pulling in other directions or disagreeing it just works and that is what is meant to be. I know it’s hard; it’s hard to come to terms with whatever it is you need to come to terms with. It’s hard to let go and it’s hard to miss the ones you long for. But with that there is choice and as the gorgeous Carren Smith would say, ( “There is always a choice and then another choice.” Even if it’s the choice to ask the universe for the people – or the type of people – you want in your life. Or the choice to be yourself and never give up that there will be someone, or many that love you as much as you love yourself by making the choice to be your true self.

More than one ending to the Story

It has been a while since I have last written. I’ve let time get away with me in my endeavours of finding an endeavour and like a misspent youth I have been widely distracted by more than one thing or another at any given time. It’s not that they have been unnecessary, actually since one of my last posts of Shoes VS Breakfast it would seem my endeavours have been some what necessary; necessary relative to my lifestyle. Not necessary relative to those more unfortunate to my less fortune. But you see today I learnt a very valuable lesson, or perhaps I learnt it for myself after hearing it many times before but for some reason I put in the discipline to do something today that seemed to stick. But like all things this life has to offer it has to be balanced within the extremity of what you are actually looking at. You see as I did my first run of the ‘next journey to loose weight again’ I decided to look at the footpath and not what is in front of me. Although in the past I have always been a ‘looking downer’ kind of person, when your running on a busy boardwalk it’s hard not to look up at each and every person that walks, runs or cycles by. Not necessary a bad thing when you dodge the backwards cap, jeans to half way down his ass skateboarder that narrowly missing my body that takes up nearly half of the pathway. But as I ran today looking at each and every person, comparing if their body was like mine or skinny like I want to be, but not with those legs, the ‘oh gosh she’s way to skinny’ reading their Lorna Jane t-shirts or wandering what that that creepy looking David Letterman lookalike does for a living, it occurred to me it was taking up way too much space in my already way too overloaded brain.
It occurred to me in that very moment I was having a reflection of my own life.
I know every moment is ‘suppose’ to be a reflection of your own life, but when I am staring into the eyes of one I love so dearly, I’m not thinking, “what reflection is this to me?” .. I’m thinking, god you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
Out of my own wishes and desires to make excessive, almost unreachable loads of money by using tools of an honest heart and training to create a mind of brilliance I realised that although my brain would willingly accept taking on these judgments (which is exactly what they are) and perceptions, they were completely unnecessary and my brain is so much more capable of taking on much more extraordinary things that would help myself and others, not judge them.
How many times during the day as you talk to people, browse Facebook, read emails and so forth are you putting your mind under necessary distraction to achieve very little. What is the greater outcome you would receive and what bigger parts of information would you gather staying focused on your goal, on your intent or what you are doing in that present moment if you stopped being distracted?
Now, here’s the fine line stuff.
I couldn’t think of the word perception. It was right under the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t remember so I used the thesaurus. After typing in view, look, watching perception never came up, but funnily enough when I googled judgment it did, along with the word intuition. This is the second time this very same question has been raised about what is judgment VS intuition, but unfortunately that is yet to be found for me. Please feel free to let me know your thoughts on judgment VS intuition. But anyway, intuition is not to be mistaken for being disciplined enough to ignore distractions and I want to be very clear about this. If your running down a hill and you get a feeling to look up, I want you to look up because more than likely there is bound to be some poor bastard trying his guts out cycling up a hill and you’re going to want to move out of the way. Don’t replace not been distracted for ignorance either.
So I will leave you with this exercise, give it a go yourself some time. Go for a walk and keep your head down, focus on the ground in front of you and see what it’s like for you. There are so many people looking around and judging you that you are more than likely going to stand out but I promise you, even with your head down they’ll still look and you won’t even notice, hopefully.
But what you will notice, may be something extraordinary.

Letter to my Future Employer

I am giving you access to a letter I wrote to a prospective employer.

I had a thought that due to some major clients dropping out that I might have to find some additional income so I jumped on ( actually I LIKED her on FB ) and she confirmed within seconds it is what I needed to do. So I set the wheels in motion to find additional income.

Which I love. Applying for a job is like creating the best cake in the world. You get to choose exactly what is you want to do and who you want to do it for and go after it. I am not sure how exactly that applies to baking a cake, but anyhow. Go with it I say.

I hope you enjoy the letter.
Dear ****

I am writing in regards to an opening you may have in you business. If you don’t have any, I thought you may create one. 
I’ve seen it done before and I think if I was an employer I would definitely employ myself to see what could come about of it. I mean, the world is really our oyster.
In the past I have been a PA. Please note I think I am a terrible PA. I will confirm that my past bosses however think I am actually a very good PA and have even suggested I should TRAIN staff on how to be a PA. 
I also worked as a PA for an Education Manager (a position created to have me in the business – I don’t think I have actually ever applied to be a PA). I sold $120,000 in cash sales monthly in online course & on campus education. I believe I am good in sales and it will come in use when my business is finished, I own a Production Company (Film & Photography Marketing) I am not so great at selling my own products just yet. 
BUT. I am great at sales for other people. I have also done Nanny work. I worked at Dreamworld at one stage, even Virgin Blue. Wow, I have had a pretty good life.
I am completely entrepreneurial, creative, intuitive and hard working. 
It makes up for my organisational skills or lack there of. 
I am currently writing a book called *****. It is the story of my life combined with the goal to expand my **** businesses to great heights which I will then endeavour to save small countries and personally track down the people behind human trafficking. 

It’s getting there, but I’m not there just yet therefore I need to find a part time job to bring in an income so I can live and continue doing what I am doing for my business. I need to find an income so I can actually keep putting it into my businesses. It’s like I’m playing the pokies but never hitting the jackpot. It’s ok, it will come. I also would like to find a job with flexibility. 
I’ve left my number underneath my name in case you would like to give me a call. It doesn’t have to be about the job. I know you’re busy, but we can chat about anything if you want. 
*****This letter was published in October 2012 – it is now July 15 2014 and I’m writing to let you know I did the job with this successful and prominent Australian figure, not from this letter, this letter was declined, but six months in the future she was looking for a staff member, I applied with the same passion and enthusiasm and was given the job. Still to this day, I am working with her along with working on my own business and continuing to build wealth, prosperity, relationships and love. 

Falling in Love

I am going to ask you to play a song while you read this blog. Go to YouTube put in UB40 and type Can’t Help Falling In Love.
Have you got it?
“Wise men say, only fools rush in. But I can’t help falling in love with you.”
When it comes to love, do we hold ourselves back? Is it because we think only fools rush in? But if I can’t help falling in love and I can’t help but think we are fools if we rush in, where the hell does it leave us? If we are not rushing in is it because the honest answer is that we think we are fools or are fools the ones that rush into non-love? If there is love in any given situation, there is no room for foolishness.
If the truth of the world is about love and if it stands for us humans that the greatest thing you will ever learn is just ‘to love and be loved in return’ then surely we do everything we possibly can to ensure obstacles are over come, distractions are minimal and boundaries are pushed in order to achieve the ultimate goal of true love. True love in our business, true love in our life, relationships but most importantly in each and every moment.
If this is the case then doesn’t this mean we should be rushing into life? I mean why wouldn’t we if we could create such bliss and who are these wise men that say only fools rush in?
I couldn’t help but wonder why are we living our lives differently. How many people are living each and every part of their lives like this? For the majority of us, what parts of our lives AREN’T we rushing into?  Is it because we think we are fools? Or is it because we are subconsciously resisting non-love parts of our lives?
If some things are meant to be, it is ‘completely acceptable’. But never let the thoughts of wrongdoing, the thoughts of victim and victimisation or the thoughts of not being worthy exchange themselves for the meaning of what is ‘meant to be’. The only thing that is MEANT to be is you here, in this moment.
I was disheartened recently when I said to a client that it was ‘just work for me’. This is not the case because I am rushing into all aspects of my life so it is never just work for me it is always about love. It is not separate. If we are separate in business, then we are separate in ourselves and I am not prepared to be nor accept that. I would rather rush in, with love to the fact that we are all one at every moment in our lives and this includes when doing business. If we separate ourselves in business, we separate ourselves in life and we are definitely not living by the theory of the world ‘as not being separate’.
It was in that moment of saying what I did to my previous client I decided not to take him on board. If I were going to separate that aspect of myself from him then I would rather walk away. Some clients may want separation and you may want separation also, so go with that but understand the truth that you are living separately inside of yourself.
Don’t get caught up on the word separation, in the dictionary it means “The action or state of moving or being moved apart.” Separation – it is in the action of this. It is not the final result of separation. The final result of separation is freedom. Therefore be clear on what you want in life. Do not say I need to separate my business life and personal life otherwise you will constantly be in the state of separating the two. It would be a never-ending battle like trying to separate water with your hands. However, if you want freedom in your business and you want freedom in your life then you need to be honest with yourself because real freedom comes from truth. That is what you need to focus on freedom in your business and freedom in your personal life, freedom as a whole not separation as an entity and the tool for this is truth.
There will always be prices to pay but sacrificing yourself through lies will pay an ultimate price. If that price you pay is lying in order to achieve money, then your ultimate price will never to have enough. If the price you pay is lying in order to achieve freedom your ultimate price is never feeling free enough and if the price you pay is lying to be with someone you love then the ultimate price is that they will know the truth of your love.
I get confused sometimes. I think that things mean someone loves me like arriving home early or that not calling means they don’t. I know life is what you mean of it but sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes it’s hard to know what the truth is. Are they arriving home early because they didn’t have a good a night and is not calling because it’s too hard to say, I love you. The thing is, we have to make it mean something or else what is the point? What is the point of living if we are just making things mean a maybe or we are only finding meaning in the simple things of life? If I had to make a good meaning out of cleaning the dishes or doing washing then there is something wrong with me. We need to be making meaning out of the big things because our lives are big things.
So remember to keep rushing into your life, rush into all that is love. You are only the fool if rushing in to non-love. So fall in love, fall in love deeply and rush into life and into your dreams.

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Shoes or Breakfast; Choices with your last $20

So, you’re down to your last $20 in cash. It’s 7.30am in the morning and you’re hungry (hello breakfast…!!!) It’s the best time of the day really until it comes time to drink but you see, unfortunately for reasons unbeknown to me (disorganised) I’ve lost my shoes.
Did I mention I’m living in a car? I’ve looked everywhere.
That is predicament I face right now. I know it is not a major one but there is definitely a big lesson in it I am SURE OF IT. One in which I am going to teach you in case you ever find yourself in the same predicament. But I am also going to explain to you, yes you, the real reasoning behind decision making. I can assure you, most likely you’re going to think I am crazy but that is ok. You have to be if you want to push the boundaries in life. Sometimes you have to be irrational, sometimes you have to choose the less obvious choice and sometimes you even mis-taked a solution that could have been so easily resolved.
By the way, did you read my last post? I will help you push your boundaries. I am definitely the kind of person you want advising you about this stuff. Because that’s what I do. I push boundaries. I know what the hell I am talking about.
Where was I? Right, the shoes sorry I got distracted my latte just arrived.
So why would I have purchased the shoes? That’s a logical question. Let’s look at the reasons why I could have. Well, maybe because I pretty sure it’s against health and safety not to wear shoes in a café. Possibly because food will last only for a few hours but shoes can last a lifetime (especially Havaianas).
I might have even chosen to buy these shoes because that is the most sensible thing to do or because it would be the socially acceptable thing to do. Plus who knows where my next pair of shoes will come from? The logic might be that the shoes could take me to my next meal but that is thinking is taking you out of the now. We want to stay present kids. But here’s the thing. Shoes can turn up out of nowhere at any time and especially if I am in a good mood. If I am in a good enough mood I guarantee I could walk up to a stranger and just ask him for his shoes and I bet he’d give them to me. That’s how much faith I have in humanity. But the same goes for food as well but see there is a feeling when you are hungry and it can be bizareely distracting. A lot more distracting than the feeling you get from not wearing shoes. Unless of course you let the thoughts about what other people may think get into your brain and yes then becomes more over powering but are you getting my drift? If you let those thoughts over power your natural ones you have problems. I can help you with those problems if you like, just contact me via somewhere somehow and I will point you in the right direction.
Anyway, where was I? Time for another latte now that I am editing. Right, social acceptability, living up to people’s expectations which I have spoken about recently and will post that article for you soon. Anyway these are all unnecessary thought processes that take up space in your mind and they are overriding the important feelings like “I’m hungry” and “instinct” and most importantly “intuition”, well not necessarily the most important thing but extremely useful. That’s why I am doing these ones ” ” because I want you to take NOTICE.
If you’ve ever had the munchies’ or you train ‘like the buggery’ you will know oh wait if you’re hung over craving a cook up or if you’re bored then hunger is pretty important too. But most of the time it’s a NATURAL thing. Just like emotions, feelings, intuition all those “things” that we think are separate from ourselves or not natural. Oh but I can’t believe I brought up the word bored. I would absolutely love to talk to you about being bored and eating and the reasons behind that but I so do not have enough knowledge about that nor do I understand it and I still completely do it or maybe it’s emotional who knows but I am not going down that path. What I will do is have Joanne Antoun on this blog and she can go through all that stuff with you. There is a balance with all this stuff, if you’re overly emotional that I’d say you have problems. You know what to do.
So enough about me I wanted to let you know there is some exciting stuff coming your way. I have done some live recordings of ‘blogs’ just so you get some audio stuff, so it’s not really a blog it’s a ‘Blog-dio’ ( – coming soon). There also includes live interviews as well. They do cost and they are completely hilarious but it’s super cheap to hear me chatter away into the nothingness. It is completely different stuff to what’s on the blog – as in I don’t just read the blogs that would be boring and way to much organisational skills for me to handle.
So once I have worked out how to put them on the blogs I will let you know. Maybe I should start a Twitter account that is a great idea. Will you follow it if I do? I don’t care if you don’t but don’t get shirty if you don’t know when Blog-Dio is available because THAT’S where I’ll be announcing it. I freaking love the word Blog-Dio. I totally just made that word up and I’m buying the domain as we speak, I mean read, write – whatever.
Anyway the charges are $1 per 5 minutes. It’s kind of like a phone sex line. But here’s the thing if it’s going to be a threesome. You listening and me interviewing another person it is $2 per 5 minutes. Ok now, now I have to stop ranting about phone sex lines because I am going to have some very amazing people on here so let’s keep it real. I really should try to ummm put some shoes on in public.
Yay! Buy my blogs!
Wait before I sign off did you get the moral of the story behind breakfast or shoes? It’s not as bad as I portray, I know the owner (although I am not sure of his reaction if he found out I had no shoes on) and I am pretty sure in a couple of hours I can borrow a pair or whatever it’s not the point. The point is that you have to be aware of your natural feelings and emotions and go with those. Be honest. Don’t worry about the artificial stuff. Don’t worry about your next meal or the shoes on your feet. Be aware of your feelings and what is going on for so you can take it naturally to a higher place. Life is suppose to get better, not worse.
You can make as much money as you want if you are aware that is what you want to do. It is the same for your feelings, if you are not aware of how you are feeling then how can you possibly change or make it better? Or better yet how can you make the most out of your life if you aren’t aware of getting better. I know feelings can sometimes feel like an untrustworthy source but they are there for a reason, not a season or lifetime but a reason. They are giving you answers to the questions you have been silently seeking.