Choices or Denial

Most of the people that are around me are the most amazing people. I have so much respect for them that in general I feel bad. But only when I believe that the only thing I have to offer is complete love and appreciation for them.
Isn’t that lovely though if that’s all you could offer? But what sort of person would I be if thought I could control what it is people get from me? But that is something I haven’t consciously thought of until now, until it hurt.
Why was it that some people what I was giving them was ok but for some it wasn’t? Or should I say when people didn’t want what I thought it was I had to offer. Why are we so disheartened by this? I think it is because if that is all we have to offer and they don’t like that or want that then it is a direct reflection on us. But is it? Or is it a direct reflection on them? And if it is a direct reflection on them, then why does it hurt so much?
Let’s get something straight first though. Hurt is ego. Yep, you heard me I said it. Ego. (As per MR
So when I am portraying this ‘thing’ that I think I can offer to someone and they do not like is it possible because I have actually gone out of the moment with them? Is it possible that this thing you actually offer is an ‘offer’ on the table of relationships? I will give you this if you give me something in return? If we are doing this, how many people are doing this to us and are we aware of the conditions that are unknowingly put on us?
If we are putting conditions on a friendship or our relationships and we get hurt then we are living our relationships or lives I should say out of ego and we need to get back to the truth, step back into the now. If you are aware of yourself in each moment that is the first step to moving out of ego and into choice. Choice to let go of ego and be yourself. Otherwise you are bound to get hurt but you are really only hurting yourself that which is suffering. Suffering over something that doesn’t actually exist, unless of course you want it too, something you created for yourself. Which, my guess would turn into drama. And hurt. Always the hurt and then the running away from the hurt. Now that’s the circle of life I have been living.
I have been heard to say that I don’t really ‘like’ or I guess you could say ‘align’ with many people and if you are aware of my ‘personality’ then quite possibly you will believe this but why is this? I get frustrated easily, I feel I am not heard very often and in most social occasions I’ll be drinking. But just because I don’t necessarily align or want to spend time with people doesn’t mean I don’t like people. I actually love people too much. (If that is possible?) There have been times in my life by meeting people I find ones that I love so deeply and with all my heart that it makes me want to meet more people and it is through these connections, these times and with these people that make life amazing for me.
But I can have this with each and every person I meet. As long as I become aware of ego and let it go. It is these people that make me want to be a better person and make me want to live a life that is so much more and so I can give so much more – if that’s what I want to do in that moment, that is what I want to do in each and every moment. They inspire me to keep going instead of lying still. Contrary to Snow Patrol’s “would you just lay here and make me forget the world.” With you in it, I don’t want to forget the world at all.
So here’s the thing, if we are not spending time with the people we want to spend time with is it because we are in denial or are we making choices to keep us there in ego? If we aren’t spending time with the people we want to spend time with is it because of them or is it because we are in ego? If there are people that don’t want to spend time with us and you are upset by it is that because you are in ego? Even if you tried your hardest, even if you changed your life and threw everything away to give it a shot and you ended up with nothing – it’s not because you didn’t try – but instead of trying to please other people why not try to be yourself. When it’s meant to be it is meant to be, I believe it just works.
There is no fighting or pulling in other directions or disagreeing it just works and that is what is meant to be. I know it’s hard; it’s hard to come to terms with whatever it is you need to come to terms with. It’s hard to let go and it’s hard to miss the ones you long for. But with that there is choice and as the gorgeous Carren Smith would say, ( “There is always a choice and then another choice.” Even if it’s the choice to ask the universe for the people – or the type of people – you want in your life. Or the choice to be yourself and never give up that there will be someone, or many that love you as much as you love yourself by making the choice to be your true self.

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